“Just snap out of it”

“At least you don’t have a ‘real’ disease”

“The medicine you’re taking is probably keeping you from getting better”

“You’re just using it as an excuse so you don’t have to work as hard as everyone else”

“Just another person with a ‘victim’ mentality”

“You didn’t even experience that much trauma, just get over it already”

“You should just smile and you’ll feel better”

It may be surprising to some people that all of these thoughts (and worse) come from my own autocannibalistic brain. Occasionally I read/hear disparaging statements about mental health issues from other sources, but the most damaging and destructive opinions are self-generated.

And the denial! I am constantly amazed that after 10 years of this shit I can still convince myself that nothing is wrong (while absolutely disintegrating mentally and withdrawing from any and all social contact).

Go ahead, ask me what’s wrong.

My answer: Nothing. Everything is great! (Raise eyebrows, keep eye contact, smile).

Lists seem to be a popular thing on the internet so I came up with one, and in order to make it more universally appealing I will work from the assumption that more than one person experiences the things I experience!* Plus I came up with a super catchy name for my list:

A list of things you might not know about depression and anxiety that your friend, partner, or family member may be dealing with on their own:

1. Depression is not “sadness.” Depression is all the negative emotions you can possibly imagine (sorrow, grief, anger, frustration, desolation, loneliness, incompetence, hopelessness, and despair) all morphed into a giant sucking void that drowns out all other thoughts and feelings and has an overall effect of creating an EMPTY shell of tired useless human husk.

This shit is no joke. When my husband asks me, “What’s wrong?” (so he can try to fix whatever is making me curl up in a ball on the floor) what can I say? “I am sad” doesn’t really convey the black hole of agonizing misery residing in the center of my chest.

Your brain literally feels like it doesn’t want to have anything to do with you, that no one wants anything to do with you, and why (really) WHY haven’t you driven off a bridge already? Continue reading →